


Hold Me and Never Let Go

by Folie



Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Smut, I have to write this out of thirst for KE2, Masturbation, Minor Violence, Obsession, POV Second Person, POV Third Person, Passionate Sex, Post-Series, Rough Sex, Villaneve, and a little bit gentle?, so please bear with me, switching POVs, this is my first fanfic ever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-16
Updated: 2018-07-19
Packaged: 2019-06-11 09:49:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15312864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Folie/pseuds/Folie
Summary: "I got you, I got you", she said. But it's too late. She didn't get you because you are shattered to pieces. You just wanted to do something normal, and it was pure--without being Villanelle but by being with yourself. But she didn't let it happen.





	1. And The Hunter is Being Hunted

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, loves. I wrote this with gentleness and care, but also with lust and fury. I hope you will enjoy this piece as I've enjoyed writing this.

Villanelle's POV SP

 

When she lay down on your bed, you were taken aback with surprise of how the events have turned, but you didn't make it look obvious on your face. You just stood there, taking in what's in front of you. You noticed the gun beside her, and you slowly took it away. Oh god, you've wanted this to happen ever since you were in the bathroom with her. You sit on the bed, gently, and you looked at her for few seconds. Seconds later, you lie down with her. The thought of being in a bed with her, without screaming and without her, begging not to be killed, unexpectedly gives you shiver down on your spine. The darkness as you close your eyes feels like lavender fields and ray of sunshine--feeling the weight of her in bed with you, your mind begins to think the things you do--the things you did to the woman you once loved and now is dead. But you didn't make it bother you. You thought you'll do your best this time, that you'll be gentle with Eve, that you'll make sure she will feel your adoration for her. You'd worship her 'til you are both reaching out for some air to breathe.

 

Then you open your eyes, and realized she found you. Oh, how it amused you; many have attempted to find you but you've found them first and took their breath away while you watched their soul go deep in their body. "You found me", and you made sure Eve heard your amusement for her. She chuckled, and its sounds is heaven to your ears. "Yes", she answered. "Well done", she really outdone you. The fact that how you played with her, and she outplayed you in the end, surprisingly doesn't make you pissed, but aroused. "Thank you." And you are both wearing a smile, together. "Are you gonna kill me?", when she asked you that, it didn't surprise you because you know witnessed how she was so frightened when she found you inside her warm, comforting, yet boring house. You shook your head.

 

"Promise?"

"Promise."

 

And your body is facing hers as you look at her--embracing the moment, the moment with her. And she looks at you, too. Her gaze makes your eyes filled with thrill and wonder. You look at her, and it felt like forever. You look at her eyes, then her face; you saw all her imperfections, and that made her look perfect. You caress her face and feel her amazing hair, too gentle. It's been so long since the last time you did this. You look at her again, this time, its filled with lust, longing, and desire.

 

"I've never done anything like this before", the look in her face is touched with agitation.

"Don't worry, I know what I'm doing", you assured her.

 

You were about to taste Eve's lips when something sharp is poking your skin. You didn't think Eve could did it--then a sting of pain rushed into your skin. She did it. You can't think clearly, because all you see is pain and betrayal. You let your guard down, and you made her see you, beneath all the walls and all the masks that were guarding you from this kind of happening. "I really liked you. It hurts!" The awe, the longing, and the desire you felt moments ago, are all replaced with shock and rage. You put your hands where the knife went. It is so wet in blood. Too much blood is coming out. The look at Eve's face is suddenly filled with regret. "Don't pull it out." But guess what she did. "What did I just say?!" And now the pain is throbbing even more. It hurts, your breathing hurts, and so is your heart.

 

"I got you, I got you", she said. But it's too late. She didn't get you because you are shattered to pieces. You just wanted to do something normal, and it was pure--without being Villanelle but by being with yourself. But she didn't let it happen.

 

You are so pissed with her but even more pissed with yourself. You shouldn't have done that. You shouldn't have let her see you. Now, look what she did to you.

 

You took the gun beside the bed, and it took you a lot of strength and struggle to reach it. You called her name, while she's finding something she don't know--something to stop what's happening. And she heard you. She approached you and then you shot her, but you missed. She's shouting. The pain...it's too much. It took you a lot, almost your life, to stand up and run away--from pain, from betrayal, from her. You didn't realize you were crying as you walk down the streets to streets.

 

It hurts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realized that when I started writing Villanelle's pov, I've let myself have the access to know what going on with her mind, just like how Eve's so curious with what Villanelle is thinking/feeling, but can't seem to get a peek. This is all for you, Eve.
> 
> All mistakes are mine.


	2. I Found You

Eve's POV SP

 

After you stabbed Villanelle, and heard what she said and saw the pain in her face, you regret what you've done right away. Villanelle, the one who killed your best friend, the cause why you lost your two jobs and your marriage--stabbed with your own bare hands. You finally did it. You should've feel victorious, yet why does regret is flowing all over your body? Why are you feeling like this? She left. You almost had her. The moment you were about to stop the bleeding and tell her how sorry you are is gone. You made it go away. You hurt her and betrayed her, but can you blame yourself? You don't know. It felt like it's the right thing to do yet it feels so wrong. But what she said,  _"I really liked you. It hurts!"_ lingered in your mind for a long while. You wished you shouldn't have done it. There are so many what ifs going through your head. What if you didn't stab her and let what should've happen happens?

After the landlord lady told her she has gone, you went out from the apartment with a hurry. The trails of Villanelle's blood is all over the stairs. The cold air and the gloomy weather fits your situation, don't you think? It almost stung your eyes. You don't know which way to go, but you turned right because...maybe it's the right way? Ugh, no time for thinking silly thoughts, you said in your mind. You kept on walking, shouting her name, asking people if they saw someone who's bleeding going this way.

And to your surprise, a kid--chubby and rosy cheeks, short hair with bangs, wide eyes, told you she saw a woman who is... _"my menstruation is too rough today, kid. Get the fuck out of my way"_ , as what the kid told her. He also told her which way Villanelle went. You said your thanks and you go in your way. But, mesntruation...really, Villanelle? It almost made you smirk.

As you walk along the street--it is almost empty. It is narrowed, in between big buildings, and you only saw a person or two. Your head keeps on swaying left and right, and you have a feeling you're close to finding her. You called an ambulance, just in case. And then you've found a palce. It is made with low brick gray wall, and with an open gate. What made you go in that place was you found something...someone. You recognized her hair. Her golden, tied back hair. You walked slowly, almost tip-toed, like how a cat walks--'til you're few meters away from her. You look at the place once again. It's a garden with a bench. It looks nice. The view captures the structure of Eiffel Tower perfectly.

It's almost sunset and--"What are you doing here?", she asked quietly. That made you go back to reality. She didn't sound that angry, but she sounds weak, and in pain. "I sensed you're here few minutes ago but I let you took your time to take in the view and this place. Nice, huh?" And you don't know what to say. Your heart is beating fast but you've managed to stay calm, somehow. "U-uh, yeah. It's nice", and if you can only punch yourself in the face because it's all you can say. You saw her smirk, but not like how she did it so many times before. You really can see she's in pain, because of you. You quietly sit beside her, and look at her--you can feel your heart is breaking. She looks pale, like life is literally leaving her as time pass by. You noticed her hands in her stomach, both covered in blood. She's still bleeding.

 

"Don't look at me like that."

"Like what?"

"Like you pity me."

 

She sounds so weak. It doesn't suit her. You're used to see her as someone inaccessible, brilliant, almost god-like. You felt a sting in your heart as you look at her. "I...I'm sorry, Villanelle", that's all you can say. You chose to call her Villanelle instead of Oksana, because Villanelle is the one that made you fall in love with her. In love...how come this realization only hit you just now? "Don't. It's my fault anyway, I've let my guard down so I didn't see it coming. You always amuse me, Eve", she managed to chuckle right after she said that. You don't know what to say, but you know you're in pain because you shouldn't have done it. Tears fell down your eyes touched your cheeks. Villanelle rest her head on your shoulder and sigh. "Well, it's a good place to die. And you're here with me so...", you almost didn't hear it because she began to sounds so quiet. Her breathing is beggining to slow. You felt her hand on your lap, and you hold in it. She feels so cold and you're so warm.  _"Eve, what's happened to you?"_  you remembered Bill asked that to you. And you know what you did, and look what it brought you--nothing, just regrets.

 

Tears kept on falling down on your cheeks, and you look at her. Her eyes are closed. _No, no, no. "No. Don't leave me yet. Not now. Please don't go. I like you. I...I love you. Don't go. Open your eyes. Please, please, please"_ , you said that to her as you hugged her and cupped her face. And you scream and scream 'til your throat hurts.

 

_Don't go._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said I'm going to write a happy Villaneve fanfic and I'm still holding on to it. Writing this hurts but it's not the end yet. 2 chapters (or more) in one day? I don't have a life. Enjoy reading (and crying).
> 
> All mistakes are mine.


	3. Warm with Tears, Cold with Regrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me a lot of editing before posting this one. It was originally written in Eve's POV, but I thought a third-person POV is much better to tell this one. I must say, I need some improvements. It's been a while since the last time I wrote something. And it was a one shot story of Hannigram. (Any Fannibals out there?) Enjoy reading.

Eve's POV TP

 

The sound of the ambulance came in after several minutes. She is still holding onto her. "Będzie dobrze", she told her like how she told Kasia, but she ended up dead and the thought of it just made her more anxious.

 

She kept on telling that to her as if Villanelle can still hear her. She hopes to heavens that she still can, and she asks for hell not to take her away. She doesn't know what to do if she ends up dead. She'd do anything to save her. Even if it takes out of your life. Even if no one, nor even Villanelle, will save her 'til the end. Just as long as she's still here, alive and burning. Even if it takes her to stay away. She thinks it'll satisfy her, but she knows it won't. She knows she'd keep on wanting more of her. She knows she'd always look for her--she'd find her in places, in people, even in her home. She can't stand the thought of not finding, having her. After all, it took her everything just to be with her right now. So, is that too much to ask for? A part of her keeps on pushing the truth away, because she's afraid to admit what she wants. She wants her. She likes her too much. Too much that the people she cares about don't matter anymore. Almost. It's just her, every time it's always been her, that it makes her mind go crazy and her heart aches. Oh, how she loves the excitement she gets with her, despite of the trouble it takes.

 

Two ambulance personnel came in and took Villanelle's body away with them, away from her. And she wants to cry so bad again but her eyes are already too puffy. “Please, save her. Please, please, please”, she told them. She sounds pathetic but she’s willing to be pathetic for her. They went inside the ambulance and she sat beside her, holding her cold hand. Villanelle looks like the death itself with how pale she looks and how her body is covered with blood. Eve couldn’t digest what she has done. She doesn’t know she’s capable of this and it disgust her. It’s not her doing. It took a forever to find a pulse of her but it was too weak, and you don’t know what to fell about that. You are in between of hoping and in a state of devastation. The other personnel were cleaning up Villanelle’s wound, the wound Eve gave to her. And Eve felt so guilty and embarrassed that she couldn’t watch, so she closed her eyes and took deep breaths.

 

She can’t live with her; she can’t live without her. They are conjoined, and she’s curious whether either of them can survive separation. But she thought, Villanelle is Villanelle. She can be that woman who will make you feel you are hers and leave you without saying a word. Eve wants to create moments with her, made with normal things. But she wonders if they both can have that; their world is everything except normal. She wants to hurt herself, curse herself in any languages she can manage, because she realized how she wasted the moment when Villanelle surrendered her guards down and opened up to her. The fact that Villanelle opened up to her makes her feel somehow…special. Then she thought about Anna, and the moment was ruined.

 

It was after twenty minutes or so when they arrived in Hôpital Européen Georges-Pompidou, they rushed her in because they couldn’t find her pulse. Twenty minutes is too long for someone who’s bleeding out her life. Eve waited for hours, her hands covering her face, mind wanting to drift away from all of these. She felt someone was standing in front of her, it was the surgeon. The surgeon was an American,  _thank god._ "Are you the mother of the patient?", he asked.  _Mother? What the fuck? Are you serious? Am I that old?_   she thought to herself. "I uh, I'm just her guardian" The surgeon observed her for a minute that it made her feel conscious to what she was wearing. Her clothes are not tidy, and fuck, her hands are still covered in  _with her blood._   "We didn't get to have her name", he stated and it stunned her. Of course she can't giver her real name, it will be a dumb move. She thought for a name to come up with for several seconds, and the surgeon gave her a look she can't comprehend. "Her name is Mischa. Mischa Travoska", she wants to slap herself right after she said that. "Okay, so the surgery went well, but she's till unconscious. She lost a lot of blood. The one who did this sure as hell burst her grudges to her completely", he snorted. She sure did done that, yet she regret it right away.

He told her she can now visit her. She went in the elevator, went out in the second floor, and walked into room 208. She stood there. She can't help herself go in there. It's too much. What she did is too much to bear with herself. Her heart is beating fast, and she's sweating cold. She closed her eyes and few deep breaths, and opened the door. The room is looks gloomy because of the color of the curtains. It's wide enough for the two of them. There's a bathroom on the right side, a single chair on the corner, and a small table besides the bed. She sits on the chair, and finally look at her. The woman who destroyed her life, yet created a string between the two of them that connects them both with one another. She felt like everything is happening so fast that she felt like her head was spinning. But all of these, it makes her feel alive--burning with desire, warm with tears, yet cold with regrets. The lust she saw on Villanelle's gaze, the way she caressed her face with gentleness, and the way she spoke to her with longing--it fires up something inside of her. Something hidden that is beginning to unveil. She held her hand, and it felt warm. Like the sun kissed her skin with life. She sighed with relief. She is alive, and so is Villanelle. She is warm, and so is Eve. Together once again in one room, just silence in between the two of them. "You're alive, you really are...alive. You're here, with me. I'm sorry, darling. I'm sorry", she told her and her grip on tightens and tears began to fall in her eyes. The warmth of she felt as Villanelle's hand touched her skin--it made her feel things, Things she haven't felt before. And it feels so good. She made her feel things she thought she'd never need nor want. And Eve looked at what she has done and cried for her. She sobbed quietly than the usual because she thought it might wake her up.  _"Such a cry baby you are, Eve"_ , she thought Villanelle would say that.

 

And then the exhaustion hits her. She had a long day, too much have happened, but it's not boring. Not like the one's she had with Niko. Niko--she wondered what would do with him. The last conversation with him didn't went well.  _You made him feel that the work thing is far more important than him,_ Eve thought to herself. And she guess that it'll do, for a while. But until when? She set aside the thought and let herself drift away.

 

She wish this moment would last. A moment where nothing bad happens; no people getting killed, no more feeling frightened, and no more chasing. But this moment is not that Villanelle she loves. She loves her that way she is--unpredictable, dangerous, and exicitng.

 

She found her again. And she won't let go of her, not this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little bit off. The details are not too detailed. I was writing this while waiting in line for 6 hours, without internet connection, and the place smelled like a cat piss with different kinds of stool. There was a scene I wrote which came from Hannibal; credits to Thomas Harris and to Bryan Fuller (dang, can someone save Hannibal). To be frank, this chapter bores me, and maybe you are, too. But I got to write this part so that progress of events will flow, though it's slow, no? I'll make it up to you, loves.
> 
> Leave some comments and encouragement, yes?
> 
> All mistakes are mine.


	4. Mother Figure and A Child-like

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SP POV - second person POV  
> TP POV - third person POV
> 
> Okay? Okay.

It took weeks, eating hospital foods that taste nothing but salt, but there were days when they offer croissant. _Croissant in a hospital? i'd rather die here, on my death bed, with croissants on my tray_ , she thought.  
  
There were times she talks to Villanelle--what she was doing, the weather, and sometimes about her observations to nurses that goes in and goes out to check her pulse and dextrose.  
  
There were moments when she just look at her and watch her sleep for hours while she caress her face and hair. Oh how she loves the feeling it gives when she touches her skin--so smooth and bright. like a carat resting on an expensive silk, just like Villanelle's taste of garments.  
  
She took baths and wore the same clothes for days, 'til it stinks. It was a Sunday afternoon when she decided to go out and go to the hotel where she checked in. She hopes her luggage is still in there, somewhere, waiting for her to be picked up. The receptionist was kindly enough to gave her the instructions of where the lost and abandoned luggage can be found. _So, there are people who forget their luggage and don't come back?_ she asked herself. The luggage was still intact. She went off, got a cab, and decided she will shop clothes for Villanelle while praying for a miracle it'll match Villanelle's fashion sense.  
  
It was a small shop, but the clothes catched her eyes. There were dresses made by silk, wool, and satin. She only bought this wine red dress, with floral design in it, made with silk. and bought few casual clothes that looks comfortable. She still have some money left and bought a champagne--a taittinger, and of course, few pieces of croissant. Oh how she loves it when croissant touched her mouth--crunchy yet soft when you bite, buttery yet not oily when you chew. Heaven.  
  
It was almost evening when she arrived at the hospital. She successfully sneaked in the champagne; wrapped it with the dress, beneath of the clothes, and went in to the room.  
  
Then she found herself glued to the floor, with eyes wide open and mouth muted.  
  
"Oh, hello there. Where did you go?", Villanelle asked.  


* * *

  
  
Villanelle's POV  
  
It's too cold and too warm, your sweat makes your skin feels sticky. The sun shines and made your eyes open and your eyebrows frowned. It took you a minute to take in what happened and where you are. Right, you remember dying beside with Eve.  
  
It was almost romantic, isn't it? You, dying, resting your head in her shoulder. Her, holding your cold hand while you couldn't find any air to breathe anymore and your eyes being heavy to open it still. Yet, here you are, indestructible as you always were. And here you are, still alive and still have the fire burning inside of you. You feel untouchable. Even death can't get a hold of you. Except Eve. The thought of it made you smirk, and somehow, feel superior from everything and everyone--'til you decided to sit and felt pain on your stomach.  
  
_You thought she couldn't do it, 'til she did it. The knife went inside your skin and you saw the look in her eyes. You catched a glimpse of something hidden and familiar--darkness surrounding her eyes, glittered when she realized she did it, yet flooded with regret seconds you told her you really liked her._  
  
But you know to yourself you still do, you're just mad at her. Who wouldn't, right? You took care of your skin with routine, you've guarded your feelings for a long time, yet she did this to you. You bit your lips when you touched it. It stings. you don't want to look at it. Of course, it brought damage to your beautiful and smooth skin and you can't imagine to stand the sight of it.  
  
[TP POV; EARLIER]

She observed the place, and there's no Eve to see. She wondered where she did she go. Her stomach grumbles and suddenly hunger hit her like a truck accidentally hitting a kid on the road. She searched for something to eat, and noticed there's a tray just right beside her. A croissant, there's a croissant with a bite on it, resting peacefully on a plate. She thought, _"does Eve like croissant?"_ , she set aside the thought and aggressively took a bite, like a hungry wolf that hasn't ate for days.

Hours have passed and she got bored. The shows on the TV are full of shit, and there's nothing else to do. She realized she doesn't have any weapons to protect herself, if ever someone comes or something happens, but she let the matter slide. What's more important is how boredom is eating her alive and makes her want to be dead.  
  
She was staring at the window, at the busy streets and busy people, when the door creaked and finding eve standing there, looking at her. She looked like she've seen a ghost or a miracle.  
  
[SP POV; PRESENT]  
  
"Oh, hello there. Where did you go?", you asked her and smiled widely. You want to laugh so much. Her faces looks ridicolous, and you're trying not to, and fortunately, succeeding. She walks in slowly, with paper bags making her hand busy and the other hand holding her luggage. "I-I went to get my luggage and I...uh...", _what the hell is wrong with her?_ you thought.  
  
"You need a hand there? It looks like you got yourself happily busy or something", you asked and she can't even look at you. "I..bought you clothes to wear if ever the doctor let you out soon...", she answered and you can see her cheeks are blushing and made your stomach feel funny. You didn't smile, even if you want to. You just gave her a curious look and oh god, clothes?  
  
"Really? Let me take a look!", you are so happy that you forgot you're still pissed with her. she walks towards to you and gave you the paperbags. The first paper bag contain some clothes, and it looks amazing, just like your taste. "Well done. You matched my taste", you said and she just smiled. One of them seems heavy, you took the clothes off and..."Oh, Villanelle, wait!" _she brought a wine? in a hospital?_ "Wow, Eve. You really never fail to amaze me. First, sneaking in to my apartment and now this? We should celebrate of how far you've become! Give me a cup", you gleefully told her. A champagne inside the hospital--impressive Eve, isn't she? You also searched the other paperbag and found...pieces of croissant wrapped with baking papers.

You look at her, making sure your face is a resting bitch one, while she was about to give you a cup. "Really, Eve? Croissant?" _she loves croissant._

"Uh...do...do you want one?", she asked, awkwardly.  
  
"I ate the croissant on the tray when I woke up. And it already had a bite on it. Do hospitals give patients a croissant? I wonder why it already had a bite on it", you said to her and oh the sight of her, she's blushing like a child.

"I think I'm gonna tell my concern to the staffs. It's unacceptable and--" she didn't let you finish and told you, "Okay, okay! Slow down! I'm the one who took a bite. I got bored and there was nothing else to do."

"So, you just decided to what...eat?"

"Uh...yes."

An Asian woman with amazing hair, and with a good and matching appetite for food? You got yourself a jackpot right there. "Oh, I do that a lot, too!"  
  
Minutes went by when you both finished eating and drinking and talking about what happened when was still asleep.  
  
She was putting in the drawer the clothes she have bought for you. And you look at her body; she really have a nice one, huh? Her clothes (still) don't look that good yet her pants, it's so fitting that you can see her curves. And when she bend over to take the last pieces--oh, what a view you have. Your mind start to think the things you want to do with her--with her body, with her mouth, and with her hair.

Those thoughts made you smirk, 'til she slowly turned around and saw you. You even smirk wider.

You can feel the heat of lust and hunger and of longing crawling into your skin. Oh how you want it so bad to taste her lips, and what she can do with her tongue...it just makes you feel hotter.

Your desire for her is burning. Your smirk fade and you look at her 'til she looks like she's uncomfortable with your gaze. You can feel your eyes already undressing her, exposing her skin, and her body touching yours.  
  
You can't take it any longer. It's too much and you want it all to get out of your body.  
  
"Eve, come here."  
__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm never gonna be surprised if ever Eve turns into a croissant and eat herself out.
> 
> I finished the chapter right after it gets, 'smutty'. I gotta prepare myself for that part. (oh look, a hint)
> 
> Inspired by the Incorrect Villaneve' croissant tweet.
> 
> All mistakes are mine.


End file.
